She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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