I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
