what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
