You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
