i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
