how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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