i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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