I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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