1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
where are you?
Hypothermia
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
