I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
