tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
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my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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