I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
