I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
