I hope mine doesn't look like that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
