Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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