Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
