If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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