how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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