I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
