so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
