Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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