Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize