why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
