So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
