Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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