nut hugger
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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