you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
