whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize