Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
