i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
