I'm really into asian looking animals
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
