You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
