Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
