Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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