I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
