don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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