this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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