Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just puked most of my soul out..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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