I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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