I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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