Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
