Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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