I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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