she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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