I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
