are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
