I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
