i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
