dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
