i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
