You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
