Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
