At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
