Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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