It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
