i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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