A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
