Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
