alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
