I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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