1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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