i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
