I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize