I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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