I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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