Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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