Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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