i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm like, not good at living.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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