Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
