I just made out with a guy for $7.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
