I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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