How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if i died would you start the facebook group?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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