Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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