i just google imaged poop.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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