I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
