I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
