Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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