On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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