Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
