$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
