"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
