And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
